The Silent Freak

Journey

2007-02-13T18:23:00.000-06:00

irutinilay nee nadakayille...
un nizhallum unnai vittu villagividum..
nee mattum thaan intha ullagathilay...
unakku thunnai yendru villainge vidum..
theeyodu pogum varaiyiL theerathu intha thanimaii..

Raw truth!!!!

Ungalai ellam paartha........

2006-12-01T12:23:00.000-06:00

Perhaps this is one of the most delayed discussion or post in this topic. To begin with a humble bow to all the predecesors who dealt with the same phenomenon. It shouldn't be hard to surmise what I am about to write here as the title has it - "kaipulla".

Ain't I said 'phenomenon' somewhere in the earlier passage? True! the character is a thing in itself; something exceptional. Though I have heard enough about the role played by comedian Vadivelu in the film "Winner", in the past three years, I just happened to watch it and fell in love with it. It impressed me to such an extent that I began writing something I feel about him.

Before proceeding further I must admit that I haven't seen the film till date and to be honest I don't wish to. Neither this post analyzes the on screen activity of the character. Rather this is merely an attempt to study the mind behind this personality.

By the way who is he? A jobless, aimless, illiterate, coward, dimwitted, weak villager (youngster?). Simply, he possess all the essentials to be called a LOSE...Er...before I complete I am just reminded of something. He is the president of 'Varuthapadatha Valibar Sangam'. No big deal...isn't it? Just hold on. This makes him the unique. He may look careless, however he is carefree. Never worried for anything how big it is. Always true to himself and bold enough to openly declare his inability. Man! wish I could be like him one day and enjoy the complete liberation from the day to day worries.

Afterall his philosophy is simple, life is too short to be spent worrying. Just ignore your failures and pains and go ahead as you have never stopped by anything. Does this imply he lacks self respect? I may make an error if I affirm. He even wants to taste revenge, but he again takes it simple and not as his lifetime ambition. Is he just a show-off? Could be. But who's on this earth not a show-off? Everyone wants to show off something. Reiterating: For another time he is not taking this over his head. STOP!

A simple man with simple desires and ventures to have fun in everything trying to enjoy every moment of his life. He never shrugged his shoulder nor drooped his head. An old saying goes something like this- "There are only two persons in this earth who never worry in their life: A child and a philosopher". Kaipulla is certainly not a child. Though I am uncertain of the other alternatives, I can finally say a word about him with confidence. He is sure a winner!

Anniversary

2006-11-13T17:59:00.000-06:00

It has been a year since I started this blog and I have written 50 posts so far. Many changes in the last one year. Wish I could get more time to write many posts and express myself. After some struggle I made a point to write this post to mark my first anniversary. Happy B'day Freak!!!

Partying it!

2006-10-14T19:55:00.000-05:00

Been a while I wrote something....I thought to myself when I was walking down the road in the relatively new place. True, after the shift I sense a shift in my activites. Quite surprising! Nowadays I feel a lot like a geek, or nerd or whatever belongs to that category which I am actually not. Is there a mask before me or am I still not out of my blanket? I don't know. Instead of finding an answer let me forget this question. But how? May be I can get help from other people.

Yes, people might help me.
"There is a birthday party tonight. Wanna join?" - my friend.
"Mmm..ok"

Birthday party...beers, wines, sodas, nachos, pizzas, chips and cakes. Also men and women. A couple of introductions and a few smiles. It wasn't too late to start the party. But parties begun to form before the party actually began. Cliques and coteries of people, talking and laughing. With a plate of pizza in his hand a young man was seen standing besides one of the exit doors leaning on the wall. And he looked like me in the mirror.

An hour later, events happened with candles being blown and wishes being made and cake being sliced. Again the cliques formed and chattered a lot. "Mickey Friedman once said 'Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there', but I'd rather say 'Never attend a party if you will be the most interesting person there'" - someone in that group said and laughed for a while.

"Hello! You got the cake?" - she asked
"Yeah"
"Why are you standing alone in the stairs?"
"..." (I did say something, but the laughter noise didn't let it out)
"You seem to be more reserved..Where are you staying?"
Before I could answer Mozart's Turkish walk ringtone interrupted her.
"excuse me..."

"Shall we go?"- my friend
"Sure"
Walking along the streets in the cold dark night is always exciting.
"Had a lot of fun?"
"Mmm..yeah sort of"
"Good"
I still had a question in my mind...who is Mickey Friedman?

Review!

2006-09-03T11:08:00.000-05:00

Site 1 says: "Go for it"

Site 2 says: "It is slick and shiny all through with all the pauses and poise that such a script requires."

Paper 1 says: "Vendetta in a classy mode..."

paper 2 says: "Slow Action; No Thriller"

I am returing from the theatre after watching the movie. I had fun watching it. Liked some scenes and disliked some. So with the action sequences. Generally I love the actor's films and this no exception. While I was thinking this, someone tapped me from my back.

"Oh! Is that you?"
My old buddy.
"Yeah..it's me the same bud"
"So whatzup? Coming from the theatre?"
"Yeah just returing after seeing the movie"
"How was it?"
"Mmm...not bad actually, kinda interesting and also broing at places...could have taken better. Not as good as his earlier flick".
" Oh. I see"

We talked something else and when I left him, I laughed at what I told him. I could have told him I liked it a lot. Why such a mushy-mushy comment? May be paper 2 made to recite that? Whatsoever I am not that good in grading an art piece....so as many!

An Unusal Conversation #3

2006-07-15T20:20:00.000-05:00

"It has been a while you cared to visit me". I was surprised by the way Dude greeted me when I bumped into him accidentally. I have always wondered why I need a carrier to carry my stories. Dude is no exception. Afterall everyone need a means to express themselves. His anger is quite acceptable.

"So whatup?"
"Hah...nothing much. The usual work...Just trying to reflect lifes."

He is not the he used to be, or is he? I smell something different.

"Heard you are moving around a lot nowadays?". Most of the time my counterpart kicks me out of my thoughts.
"Yeah a few calls here and there"
"Any toasts?"
"No luck yet. So whatcha ya doin?"
"The same old stuff. Writing badly, reading how to write better and thinking a lot when will I write my best".
"Hmm..any interesting new story?"
"I can say one in the pipeline..will talk about it when I finish it".
"Hmm..
""Ok..tell me about your calls. Someone told you have a bunch of offers?"
"Yup..having them still open, yet to talk with one more guy"
"Ahaa..I see you never told me that. Anyways congrats"
"Thanks. By the way, what is happening with buddy?"
"No digressions...anyways he is enjoying life, just like you, getting whatever he wants"
"What do you mean like me? I just have a normal life like everyone. You are the one who enjoys every second of your life, living the life passionately to your fullest satisfaction..."
"Hey..hey...give me a break..being passionate in life is not success. Real success is what you actually achieve. Passions never give you burps...I am still starving"
"True! Your starvation is your success. I would love to throw everything and start searching things like you until I am completely satiated, but I can't stand my hunger more than four hours. I atleast need some junkie to feed me."
"Excuse me you are not feeding you alone, you are feeding your family. Your junk food is your achievement and it speaks your skills".
"I really don't understand you. Are you trying to say that being an average Joe is an achievement?"
"You are skilled enough that you are not below average in the first place. In the second place, you are actually above average".
"Don't use your word plays with me"
"You did what your mind wanted you to do and not what your heart wanted...just... unlike me".
"Do you think I had fun while doing all those things?"
"Are you trying to say I am having a lot of fun now?"
"Aren't you?"
"How can one when he sees his life running out of him?"
"What are you losing anyways?"
"Hmm...Its a long list...but I could say one thing for sure. If things weren't the same like this before, I would have been you and you'd have been me!"
"Hey...are you angry? Don't get upset for some silly things"
"Aye...you are right. Getting upset for silly things is not a maturity sign. And just a small correction before I leave, I am not angry!"

Still something haunts me. Did he say his usual work is to reflect lifes?

Freshman

2006-07-14T14:08:00.000-05:00

I just moved in. Moving is not an easy joke. I just discovered I had such a lot of 'useful' stuff that can be used as valuable samples for an environmental researcher. How many boxes, bags and cartons? Man! I hate it. But I'm helpless. Oh by the way, I am just now reminded of my one twenty seven minutes old hunger. Must eat something. Something...I don't think there is any food joint nearby. Heck! Just a sec, I had a couple of noodles packet with me. Mmm...noodles, noodles, noodles....whooo such a mess here. Aha! who said searching a needle in the Atlantic is the dificult task? The UPS carton...I must start with you darling. I feel something square..maybe the noodles..Hmm books- management principles, microeconomics, and this one with no cover; looks like a short story collection. First edition in 1986...preface..foreword..

This place is so bright that I could harm my eyes. I am new to this place. Hardly a day old I have been here. I should admit about my reluctancy to come here. Literally I was pulled here. This place is large, bright, hot, lively and crowded in comparison with my earlier niche; I am not denying it. But I don't like this atmosphere and I don't want to be here.

Why 'Freshman'? I don't find a school nor a student. Is there something underlying that is obscure to me? At times excessive smartness easily finds its way to trash. Wha..what's that noise? Is someone knocking? Is it the old lady next door? Not again! Ofcourse she is friendly, but how many times in half a day? Huh! there is no one. Noise? Whatever it may be let me continue...

I can't stand the heat in this dry land. Mmm...such a warm place I used live before. Yeah, my ex-land was damp and wet. So what? It never let me down. Never, ever. I always had a great temperature there. Neither too hot, nor too cold. Oh God! Please take me back there. It was really a haven; the safest place I have ever been. Why they brought me here? No one will so stupid to leave such a lovely home. Please! Please! Someone hear me?

What can I call this - coincidence or suggestive symbolism? Surprises are sweet because we face them when we are not prepared. Won't we experience a harvest of happiness when we meet our childhood friend accidentally; I am in a similar situation. Are emotions really so powerful or is it their literal representation? Maybe the strength lies in the vocabulary and the presentation.

I am crying; crying at the top of my head. Just listen to me guys, Please I beg you....No one seems to be listening to me. They only feed me and treat me as a doll. Everybody seems to enjoy at my tears. The place looks like a carnival. I don't understand why. But I can sense a thing clearly. The woman besides me seems to be the happiest person in the lot. I wonder there exists something between us; she never moves away from me. I think I must never leave her too!

Knowledge is power

2006-06-30T11:34:00.000-05:00

"USO is an unidentified submarine object that moves beneath the sea... But why are USOs moving through the water? What is their task? Maybe they have the same reason as the flying UFOs in the sky. Unfortunately we dont know their task..."
Christian Pfeiler (USOs - do they exist?)

"If we value the pursuit of knowledge, we must be free to follow wherever that search may lead us. The free mind is not a barking dog, to be tethered on a ten-foot chain."
Adlai E. Stevenson Jr. (1900 - 1965)

Senseless paragraphs...isn't it? The information in the first paragraph was obtained as a result of Google search for "USPS". Okay, I'll be fair...I made a typo.

Marconian gift

2006-06-21T20:45:00.000-05:00

Radio, (ra-di-o) n. Transmission of programs for the public by radio broadcast.
a) An apparatus used to transmit radio signals; a transmitter.
b) An apparatus used to receive radio signals; a receiver.
c) A complex of equipment capable of transmitting and receiving radio signals.

Dictionary may explain radio as a complex of equipment but it is that primitive device which mothered all the CD players, MP3 players, ipods, nanos and so on and so forth. Though I was born in the era when TV ruled the earth, I still remember my childhood age where my day begins with radio and grows with radio (I can't say it ended with radio; blame me for watching all those evening TV programmes), and each and every senior whom I come across have a transistor close to their right ear listening to a film song or the one day commentary.

More than a entertainer it was rather a time piece for me. When I get up from my bed, it will be the regional news in Aakaashavanni by Saroj Narayan Swami, when I take bath it will be the b'day and anniversary wishes time in FM and when I leave to school it will be the songs parade in Vividhbarathi. Whoa! what a timekeeper. Such a fascinating device has it been, it thickened my technical bondage towards it when I was a inplant trainee in All India radio during my undergrad.

Nowadays I hardly hear radio. As everyone feels I also ceded myself to the MP3 and CD culture and lost the candied pleasure of listening to radio. While I write this I have a radio player running at the background playing songs from 80s and 90s making me guess what could the next song be. Hmm...I guess therefore here I am writing this!

Fiendish!

2006-06-02T16:02:00.000-05:00

"...Sundaram than veetukkullae ponavudan ravikkai thaithukkondiruntha than thaayarai 'ammaalai yeanadi kaimpendatti endru vaithaai mundai' endru Ongi kaiyil vaithiruntha kambaal adithaan..."
- Kamalaabal Sarithiram a.k.a Aabathukidamana Abavaadham (B.R. Rajamayyar, 1896)

I could say nothing more than the word 'diabolic' when I read these lines from this century old novel. I am yet to complete reading this book. True that Tamil literature has millions of things to show me!

Burger, fries and coke

2006-06-01T11:43:00.000-05:00

"What if a TV reporter is asked to be the chief minister of a state for one day" - a fairy tale premise that turned out to be a blockbuster with all commercial ingredients.

"What if a filmmaker is asked to eat only McD's food for thirty days" - a simple premise that turned out to be one of the best ever made documentary in the recent history.

I had no strong emotions for fast food joints until I had to say good bye to all my homemade dishes. The moment I entered into the grad life I fell a trap to these cheesy entrees delivered from the fast foods. Be it a pizza, burger, sandwich, and whatsoever, I had them frequently for lunch or dinner (I won't include breakfast since I have cereals to makeup my calories for the day). The simple yet inevitable reason being "too busy to cook".

Morgan Spurlock's "Super Size Me", is definitely not a movie worth watching on a Friday night with your partymates. It is one such films that deserves to be viewed with complete involvement. Yes! take my word with complete involvement. It's about you, your health and your life. A few days back I saw it with my friend. What just started as a timefilling documentary movie, slowly swallowed us and showed us where we are going. We did three things after the 100 minutes of runtime.

a) We checked our weight.
b) We calculated our BMI (Body Mass Index) and
c) We decided to drop our plan of ordering pizza and started cooking our dinner.

A haunting experience of the reality that creeps into our physique on a daily basis. In a way I can call this as a depressing movie. It depresses our spirits towards the tasty fast foods. Me being a veggie, one may think complaining too much is a little overboard. But if you are a meat lover, you got to see this man to know what you lost and what you gained.

If the above paragraphs were my immediate reaction to this flick, the following came up after sometime. Why we are not bold enough to make such hard hitting documentaries that reflect our life, society, issues and also attempts to provide a solution. Some dare to make such films that end up being telecasted as newsreels or TV movies. A few play a safe game adding glossy elements to their voice and at the end of the day it is only the makeover that is getting sold and not the face. While another few succeed in telling whtever they want to point out, but they fail in something that never brings the solution to see the light of the day. Its time guys!

Burning moon....

2006-05-22T19:04:00.000-05:00

Narambuku nuduvey nadhigal nagarum
nadhi irundhalum naavey ularum
..........................
Pachai thaneer Veppamagum
Yechil pandham amurthamagum
.........................
Mazhai thulli namakku samudhram aagum
Samudiram yellam thuliyai poogum
.....................
Sathiya kaadhal yennam seiyum
Chandira oliaye aadaiyai neyum.....

Wild imagination and unusal metaphors for a duet?

Good old friend

2006-05-14T19:00:00.000-05:00

I have always fantasized this. Speaking my heart out to someone I love a lot at some place I like a lot. Fantasies no longer hold their respect when they are encountered in life. This can be pronounced as one of my wannabe dead fantasies.

(The following description may be boring; there is no harm in skipping the next two paragraphs)
Sitting on the top of the mountain, where one could see planes taking off and landing at a distant airport, feeling the gentle breeze of the neem tree that stands majestically above the bench, with an occasional bell tolling from the nearby church, really it is one of the not so cloudy evening that lovers never wish to miss. We are two. For a third person we might sound unusual for the situation. Two men - one in his late twenties looking at the runway without a life, besides was a man in his sixties smiling at his neighbor. One could easily find the resemblance on their visage.

The scene may appear stale as we made our surrounding still by our hour long silence. The oldie gently touches his young partner's head. He turns with a wet pair of eyes. Ah! the story begins...

"What is the problem?" - he asked. He? My father. I am here with my dad on the eve of the big occasion in my life. It might sound crazy. A twenty eight year old guy spending one romantic evening with his dad in a nearly isolated mountain top. One evening in my nineteen days vacation seems like a costly effort, but being stingy doesn't pay off always. Isn't it?

"Are you afraid of something?" he is straightforward.

"No"

"Is something not okay at your office? Or something else? Whatever it may be. Just let it out."

I was waiting for a lead. Thought these words are not so strong, they gave me some courage. " I always wanted to talk to you about this....I am not alright with...I don't like what I am...." I blabbered a lot.

"Mmm.."

Only a Mmm from him. I almost broke and cried.

"Big boys don't cry."

"I am not big"

"Well, you are twenty eight"

"Years doesn't make sense. Its what I am now, at 'twenty eight'" - may be I sounded harsh.

"Hah, you are a engineer working for a fortune 500 company near the Pacific coast, visiting your homeland once in two years for a fortnight an...."

"You are proud of me?" - I shouldn't have interrupted.

His look? I am not that smart to comprehend it. All I could see now is a plane getting ready for its take off.

"Don't you act as an ignorant. You saw the email. I was hurt".

"It happens. People are bound to forget. Is that you are worrying about? You silly".

"No. I am not silly. I don't forget things. I remember and try to remember as much as I can. He made me a clown, er... a joker".

"...."

"Do you know how he used to treat me at school? Always coming to me for doubts. You don't know anything. You were always absent in my life. Never tried to see anything about me. I always came first. He was never close to me. I didn't even consider him as a competition. He was just another kid for me. Now he is asking who the hell I am. Bloody...."

"...."

"It is still a puzzle. How could he suddenly come from nowhere? Hmm... still a puzzle. I didn't waste my time. I studied as I was before. Wasn't he having the same emotions I had then. I thought every teenager will have those. was he a saint? How could he be? How the hell he could get into the school? Okay.. I didn't try for it, but now I feel I should have."

"...."

"Wonder how life changes in a competitive exam. He got, I missed. Went to different schools. I ended up with a Masters. He became a doctorate. Working as the VP in a Fortune 100 company. High respect, higher perks, highest degree. Now what? Asking me who am I. People forget people when they graduate. All in a single exam. He..he..never.." I am exhausted now, kind of wheezing, and hiccing up.

"So what are you planning to do now?"

My look. I am sure he understood till the last letter.

"Well. You are now offended. Aren't you my boy? That's good. Dreams can never be accused of, neither can be the events. Yes poeple forget things. But you remember everything. I mean 'everything' that you are supposed to forget....... By the way, did you see this?"

A greeting card from Jay. Jay? Who is he? The tall guy at the back or from my old neighborhood?

"It is getting dark. Let's go home. We have a packed day tomorrow".

For an outside viewer our return should have been the eeriest visual. The two were walking down the hill, with the young one sliding on the oldie and the elder one cajoling the kid. There was a feeble noise. It was not clear. Perhaps some weeping sound that was subdued by the landing noise of the airplane.

Fantasies are lovely when they are not alive. why should I kill my fantasies?

Amaz(e)ing game

2006-05-05T20:13:00.000-05:00

But I am still sitting alone before my computer and staring at the windows. Slowly opening and minimizing them, one by one. Yahoo! games - cards that have become my favorite both on and off screen, cricinfo - WI win by a single, stickcricket - playing hard to beat the same WI, a few other blogs, my email, newspaper, imdb, the list seems to be a never-ending one. And yes... I forgot to say about the music plaing in the media player.

We never want to go by rules. Rules demand discipline and discipline means regularity. If there is one thing that a human wants to get rid of is routine; his daily "day". I have been wondering for sometime what remains if one throws his day out? Where he lives? Vacuum? Space? A black hole? call it any name as you want. Whatever it may be; the empty 'something' transforms into a routine. The inevitable happens.

This game is interesting. Glass or grass - the maze has no outlet. How much ever you try, you either see yourself or see the same green leaves that you tore in your last attempt. One thing I don't like here is the game is deceptive. It gives you the feel that have won, but the next minute you see yourself caught in another maze.

At one place, you change your goal in the game. The new goal is simple - get out the game. By the way you don't have to worry about getting back to the game since you won't be out of the game ever. The goal sucks, so the game exists...or, it the other way round?

Holy...., I forgot what I want to say. I won the game, I mean I got the way out. I successfully changed my routine and started having my own way for the last few weeks!!! Oops..did I tell something foolish?

Chartbuster

2006-04-18T11:54:00.000-05:00

"I really can't believe this. How this song went on to become a super hit." - I said to myself while I was driving across two big cities in the Midwest.

Vaala Meenukkum Vilangu Meenukkum Kalyanam.....

May be my response to the song, I was playing in my steering with my fingers. Its really a pleasure to drive on a not so crowded highway on a sunny morning with trees giving out spring colors. Yes, really nice...until your phone rings.

Kalyanama Kalyanam kalyanama kalyanam....

"Hello?"

"Good morning sir. I am calling from the .... hospital. It has been found out from our records...."

"Pardon. Which hospital?" - I don't understand why only the important words are outsmarted by the loud music.

Oorvalathil aadivarum nanduthane naatiyam....

"Okay. Yeah. It was last week"

"....."

"But. I can't do it right now. I'm driving...."

"...."

What is it I'm hearing? Is this real? No....It must be some kind of illusion. This is incredible. I never thought this song has such a reach. If it is the same song that I am hearing on the other end, what the hell can I call it?

"...."

"Ok. Bye".

Cooum aaru kadalil sayrum antha idathil....

"Crazy freak!"

Maapillai sontha pandham meesa kar erango ....

I looked at my colleague, when he slammed the receiver.

"This idiot is driving with a loud music turned on and he never listens to me"

"Hmm..that happens"

"But, this one is silent to my questions and made me repeat my questions. Seemed he was trying to listen what's going on the background".

"Hmm..."

"Background? What did you say his name?"

"Caartheek...something."

....periya manusan yaarungo ...? Thalaivaru thimeengalam thaanungo !!!!

Shoot! I fogot to bring my headphones today.

What went wrong?

2006-04-17T10:48:00.000-05:00

A story from hearsay....

I had plans and still having plans. Can I call them aims or ambitions? Maybe...I could. But better I stick to the word "plans". At twenty-four my plan is simple. Just I wish to be in school for a couple of more years. Looks simple, yet not simple.

Remember question tags? A concept you encounter in high school grammar. I love them since they are easy and mark fetchers. But I started hating them since I encounter them often in life. One sentence gets completed. A question springs. Hunt begins for the answer. I get a twenty word long sentence. Good. But I have a two word question tagging at its end. Sucks!

Getting into the place where I want to be is getting tougher. As the adage says "whent he going gets tough, the tough gets going", here the going gets tough, real tough. I want to get out from the tough situation, but the tough gets going and never stops.

Reading something here and there opens up a lot of new things for us. Read about chaos theory somewhere. On a Sunday morning, when you are still in bed trying to continue your fantasy dream and not cedeing yourself to the reality, in a few minutes you will eventually lose. Then you will recollect the reasons for your loss. Many losses, many Sundays, many reasons.

Surprisingly, reasons lead to a rewind of age. One Sunday I found the reason leading me back to my teens. Nearly a decade before the mistake has started. Right from my senior school, to my undergrad, to my grad and now this day. If I want to rewrite my errors, I must go ten years back to avoid my question tag now. That is not simple. Is that?

Naan Thamizhthan

2006-04-09T22:21:00.000-05:00

"Naan Thamizhthan. Unakku Thamizh theriyuma theriyathanu theriyala. Athan formala Englishla paesinen"- I replied her.

Three years ago, in my undergraduate class, she used to sit in the first bench, second row. Five feet back, I was sitting. Third bench, third row.

I am calling her today after three years. If I am somewhere in the Midwest, she is located somewhere in the East. Both are ten thousand miles away from our 'benches'.

Beep..beep..beep. whenever I pressed the keys on my cellphone it beeped. Sometimes we are never keeping in touch - I thought to myself. Seven more beeps. My roommate turned and gave a eerie look. I should turn off my key sound. sometimes irritating.

"Hello"

"Hello, U?"

"Yeah. speaking".

"This is V. Can you recognize me?"

"Mmm.. no"

"Undergrad classmate..V.."

"Mmmm..Mmm"

"I used to sit before A and M".

"The tall fellow?"

"Tall... Hmmm.. maybe". She is so short. Everyone is taller to her.

"We both got admit in same univ, but we both didn;t go there...remember?"

"Not exactly..."

"I now study with S".

"Yeah.. I got you. You used to sit beside R and J"

"Yes.. So finally you managed to get a picture of me..."

"Yeah..yeah.. I could recognize you".

"Good".

"Hey..Nee Thamizh thane?" She asked me then.

A few inches below the cutting edge

2006-03-21T07:52:00.000-06:00

'Today I'm going to make it simple and straight. No word play and non-linear narration. Everything is directly from me' - I thought. What a day has it been so far! Just now I got a few minutes to think about my next blog post. What should it be - a fiction or a non-fiction?

While I was immersed in my thoughts, I felt someone leaning over me and someone pushing me. Who is it? Shoot! I just realized that I am not alone. I am being surrounded by a lot like me. Like me? No! Not everyone. A few in my left are like me, but those in my front are different. Those at back? Let me check. Hmm! I can't turn. I am kinda packed here. Guess they are same.

Whatever it is, I have some time now to think. Let me think for a while. What it coul....Oohh! There is a jerk from the back to my left. It seems they heard the words "make it short". Ok, but the why are they disturbing me. Jerk in back? But I didn't move. So am I different from them?

Ok, don't get lost. Just think. Hey! This time a push from the front side of my left. Now what? It seems they smelt some new smell. Before I am back to normal a movement in the back right and left. All at once. Man! this is carzy. i can't stand. Why such a commotion? It seems there is something working above us and it causes everything. What the heck it is? I am getting disturbed a lot. I feel like running out of this place. But I canlt even move a nanometer. Where the hell am I? Is this some kind of concentration camp?

Suddenly a few to my left started discussing seriously about the finances and the weekend trip. Hey! what's going on? If I am left alone and pestered constantly how can I think? Hmmm... I believe its time and yes, I give up.

I am not in a good mood. I lost a great opportunity. Wow nearly half an hour of free time. I could have come up with two posts. A sudden motion somewhere from the underside of my back said that they have seen the words "Supercuts. We're open".

Ms. Janaki

2006-03-20T22:28:00.000-06:00

Here is the situation on a Saturday afternoon. Bored with the usual countdown program, I am playing with the TV remote surfing channels. Next minute I see an old black & white tamil comedy film from the 50s. Something makes me to stick on to it for a while.

"Man! This ain't an old film, but a recent movie that talks about a period story in monochrome film" - I say to myself. "Keep the volume down" - says my mom from the kitchen. I start looking for the remote and I cannot find it. When I look at the clock it is almost five...and the end credits roll on. What a way to spend a Saturday afternoon! Sometimes surprises are not as colorful as we expect.

The above two paragraphs are totally my imagination. I have never experienced such a situation which I would love to. But, I can say a word. I was embraced by a wave of similar emotions when I read Devan's "Miss.Janaki". What I started as a safe-bet Devan's comedy, turned out to be an uncoventional romantic classic. I was completely bowled over right in the fifth page, where the story starts to grow. While I was wondering about the pace at which the story was moving at the end of first chapter, the second chapter was another surprise. Devan never writes an unusal story. He writes stories in an unusual way.

Fearing of letting out any spoilers, I am not writing much about Miss.Janaki here (afterall this is my maiden attempt to write a review about a book!). In a simpler way I could say, Ms. Janaki is nothing but an usual feel good romantic comedy with a Quentin style of screenplay.

The bunch of characters that the writer introduces in the first few chapters (for providing enough twists in the plot(s)) may seem to appear as sportspoilers that provide enough confusion and digression to the main plot. Again the smart story structure and intelligent narration reduces it.

On the whole the story of Miss. Janaki becoming Mrs.Janaki is one of the must reads for all Tamil book lovers.

Before I forget, did I say the title of the movie that I watched on that Saturday? BINGO! It is "Miss.Janaki". And a few names from the end credits. Story by Devan, Screenplay by Sujatha and Maniratnam, Dialogues by Crazy Mohan (ofcourse, the female protoganist name is Janaki) and Directed by Maniratnam. "Wow! what a team. Who said we don't have movies like Devdas and Parineeta in tamil" - I said to myself, when my mom told, "enough of day dreaming and go to the post office".

Yet another week ends

2006-03-18T11:29:00.000-06:00

As the title reads...Nothing special happened this week - I thought to myself. With 'Pathshaala' flowing my headphones I was travelling in the usual red and white bus. Four hours of road travel to bro's place. Usually accompanied by Ilayaraja, Rahman, Vidyasagar and others.

Such visits fall once in two or three months and bring some change in the routine. This 'change' is similar to the soft voice of Chitra that you hear inbetween the loud and heavy vocals of Daler in 'Range De Basanti'. In otherwords, a welcome interlude. Be it a 'Finding Neverland' or 'Motorcycle Diaries', there is something instore for me in these interludes.

It's true we need such breaks, isn't it? But don't forget, you must hear Daler's loud vocals again to completely enjoy 'Rang De'.

Un-seen-of

2006-03-09T20:11:00.000-06:00

Sahara Kulirkirathe...
Darjeeling Sudukirathe....
Erikinraen...Kulirkinraen...
Onnum Puriyavillai....

These words form the first stanza of the song "Anbe nee mayila kuyila..." in the film 'Ninaivirukkum Varai'. There is nothing great about the words or sounds in this song. Neither I have seen the visuals. Infact I wonder if there exists a visual for this number.

But this is one of the songs that my mouth often hums. Reason? May be the power of music to bring back your memories.. I was in my twelfth grade summer vacation waiting to get into some college when I hear this song first (This song was a filler in the 'Kathalar Dhinam' cassette that I got). Form then on, this started growing in me and after a couple of months I began feeling its incubation symptoms in me. Though it has been nearly seven years since the film got released, I am still humming this song when I walk, drive, take a break during my office hours, blah, blah...

Surprisingly, I never had the urge to see the visuals of this one and to be honest I don't want to see the visual for this song ever after, for the simple reason that the picture may diminsh my relation with the sound! Sometimes, we have crazy ambitions.

Guess who?

2006-03-07T18:14:00.000-06:00

NOTE:Yes! I'm running short of titles for my posts. There is nothing beyond this fact for my act of using movie titles. Again, this post is in no way related to the Bernie Mac-Ashton Kutcher comedy.

"Can you stop at the snack bar?" She broke the silence. We never talked for the last twenty minutes after I picked her from the school.

Man! I'm in no mood to talk with anyone today. It was all because of the talk we had today morning. I am not against her. But she never understands me. I didn't say anything wrong. I really don't understand why she blows a big balloon now. All started today morning when we left home.

Only she started, "Have you been at Kay's home all night?"

"Yeah. I told you right".

"You never told me before. Why you didn't bother to call me? I got so scared. How can I know where you have been?"

"I thought I told you already. Anyways what's a big deal?"

"What you mean by what's a big deal? So you never cared about home and thought you can do whatever you want?"

"Do you hear me?" She shook me from behind. "I told you to stop at the snack bar three times and you now crossed it. Are you in senses?" I just now realized we are about fifteen feet away from the snack bar. I took a U-turn and reached it. Still I feel the heat in her words. Again I say I didn't do anything bad and neither did I tell anything against her. She has an attitude...always! Huh! If she can be caustic with me I'm no less than her. I have my own character.

"Why are you shouting like this?"

"Am I shouting? Yes I am. Hmm boys! I just asked why you didn't inform me that you will stay out yesterday night. Did I say something bad or did I scold you? You imm..."

"..Okay. Why are you making a big issue out of this?"

"Big issue? Yes here lies the problem. You have always taken me for granted and you are trying to ignore me and disregard me".

"Why are you talking like this? I thought its not a problem if I sleepover at Kay's home one night. Also we had this assignment...."

"Didn't you know I am not feeling well for the past two days? I got so worried when you didn't come after 9 and I had to call up everyone with my headache and stomach pain". She didn't say a word after that. It was silence again till I dropped her in school. When she got down I saw her eyes. Oooh! What an angry look? I have never seen such a stare from her before. It was red hot.

I almost burnt my hand when I touched the burning hot coffee. She saw me. Not with the same red eye. This angerless not so passive look is not new to me.

"Are you still thinking abt the conversation we had in the morning?"

I nodded. I almost made an addition symbol in the air.

"Does it mean a yes or a no?"

Silence.

"So you are not talking to me hereafter. Right?"

"No".

"Then why are you silent?"

"Nothing".

"See, I was angry. True. But you should be knowing why. If someone ignores you, how will you feel. That too if your most loved one fails to share something with you won't you get irritated? That's what happened to me".

"Sorry. I should have called you. From now onwards I won't do such mistakes. I was a fool to think you always took over me. And how are you feeling now?"

"I still have the pain, but bearable. Better than yesterday. Also, it is not a foolish thinking. Its my responsibility to take things over when you need me. There is nothing of the sort of dominance or control in any relation. Be cheerful".

I paid the bill and sat in the bike. After the coffee I feel my headache is better now. He still looked unanimated. Poor fellow! I spoiled his day. Blame me. I was a bit more than harsh today. Surprising. I was never so tough with him. Maybe the pain. This is not the usual pain. This made my day bad with the kids in the school also. Perhaps I should have taken a day off. Ouch! the pain got multiplied by n factorial when he applied a sudden break to avoid the pothole. God! Let this pain may end all the usual pains.

P.S: Hope now you guys understood why I gave this title to this post.

An untitled post

2006-02-27T11:33:00.000-06:00

Seems like winter has started its trip for a hibernation and spring showing its head since so far this week I am getting up before 7 comfortably (touchwood!). Or is it the big day approaching fast?? Anyways, I'm not hurrying up for my work.

'Miss. Janaki' is coming great. Thank God I am blessed to read such masterpieces. I really don't know why tamil film directors are reluctant to film novels of yesteryears.

'GodFather' songs are catching up in me. As usual every repeated listening introduces me new sounds and instruments. Hopefully will have a judicious visuals to the enchanting music. Whatsoever delays are not denials.

P.S: This post was started a week back and because of my prolonged silence due to laziness it is published today (Match 7th). Though I forgot what I had planned to write, I heave a sigh as I managed to fill it somehow and publish it. Again I say the last line of the previous paragraph. BTW, I had planned to write a post titled 'Day after yesterday' but since it has been a week past 'yesterday' I am saving the title for the future.

Devan - Satirically yours

2006-02-20T19:37:00.000-06:00

I was holding this for some time. But I couldn't stop me from writing this post. That's the magic of Devan. Blame my poor memory, I vaguely remember I was introduced to Devan through his "Thuppariyum Sambu" teleserial when I was in my seventh grade. All I could remember now is Y.G.Mahendra's bald head and curved nose makeover.

After a long hiatus, I was reintroduced to him a couple of months back with a great expectation of enjoying some vintage humor. Later I bagan wondering why Devan is considered as a funny writer. Even to my surprise, I view it as a misnomer.

Being born in 1913, Devan authored a wide range of classics that were well ahead of his time (1940-50s). If I could say rich vocabulary and grandeur style defined Kalki, it was the unconventional narrative style with unadulerated witticisms marked Devan's works. Be it the fictional accounts cooked up through Mallari Rao or directly from the author, each one the story had its own uniqueness.

Devan was more a screenwriter than a storyteller. It was 'Rajiyin Pillai' that showed me 'Alaipayuthey' was one of the offsprings of such back and forth narrative style. (Still 'Rajiyin Pillai' is a maze for me!). Currently I'm reading his 'Miss. Janaki'. An awesome narration. Will write about it later. Telling stories in letters, procedures, news items, and whatsoever unusual things you could hardly imagine can be encountered in a couple of his fictions.

So, what this guy has to do with non-fictions? This thought popped in me when I came across a bunch of non-fictions in his 'Seenupayal' (probably written during his tenure as "Ananda Vikatan" editor?). I knocked my head twice. I am not sure if complex issues such as war, independence, temperment, materialism, fast world (in 40s!!), aging, plagiarism, press rights, etc. are described in a more lighter vein anywhere else.

Although I am still not quite sure how to refer Devan for his works, I could say one thing. We lost another forty more years of irony, wit and sarcasm from this legend!

Reactivity issues

2006-02-15T10:24:00.000-06:00

Bill: ...And what do I find? Not only are you not dead, you're getting married to some fucking jerk and you're pregnant. I... overreacted.
The Bride: You overreacted?
('Kill Bill: Vol 2')

Don't you find yourself often bumping into people like Bill who frequently overreact? One of my days started like this.

At 8:00 AM I was standing in the long queue before the Donut shop counter. Fifteen minutes later..."One croissant bread with cheese. No egg".
"Coffee?"
"No".
"Please step aside".
After three more people, at 8:22 AM, "Here you go sir". I ran to my office. Shit! Again I am late by five minutes.

"Hello" I answered my boss over phone.
"Did some one from telecom come?"
"Not yet".
"They said someone will be at 8:30..."
Knock...knock... "I think it's them".

"Hi".
"I'm from telecom. Ya' came jus' now?"
"Pardon". "I am waiting here for the last 20 minutes. Ya' asked me to be here at 8:30, I came at 8:20". The guy looked angry.
At 9, "Ok, it's done. Are you Mars?"
"Hmm...No". I checked and the phones are working fine. "Thanks". While leaving he said "smile" without any joyful expression.

Oooh! I'm hungry like anything. I open the packet. What the hell she has given? I didn't ask for egg. Heck! The phone rang. Boss again.
"Yes sir, it's fixed
....
he changed the phone jack
.....
sure
...
right away
....
in an hour
....
ok".

After 45 minutes. "Are you done almost?"
"Mostly... in another half an hour"
"Hurry up pal". Aaahh! This dumbo comp is unusally slow. Strange. Why this should happen today? Things will happen only now. Sigh!

Finally at 11:30, "Sir, the report is ready".
"C'mon pal. You said it will be done in an hour and it took you two and half hour. Hurry up man".
"Okay". Hooo! I came to my desk. My mobile rang. "Hey whatsup?"
"Don't forget. Tonight at 8, at Flattop".
"I'll be there". The other phone has been ringing four times. "Yes sir." "Did you check it once?" "Sir..." "Hell lot of errors. Redo it and listen, I need it A.S.A.P".

It was almost 7. What a long day has it been. Gosh! I almost forgot my dinner plan. I have to be at the restaurant in another one hour. Boy! I must change two trains and a bus. After a lot of hustled transportations I reached there five minutes to eight.

"...and I was runnng behind the dog with the cake in my hands and with a bag of pumpkins at my back". When a friend said this we all were laughing. We have been laughing for the past three-quaters hour. "Something similar happened to bud and it was hilariously funny"- I said pointing my other buddy. As I was describing the incident I asked,"is it a SUV or minivan?" to him. "My foot". There was anger in his voice. "Hey!"
"Do you think you never made any folly in your life so far?"
"Hey. Take it easy".
"Bull shit easy....." He continued talking. The situation seemed to appear more or less like the "am I funny?" scene in "Goodfellas". I didn't talk much till I returned home.

Before going to bed I checked my e-mails. God! Today I had an appointment with my prof at 2:00. How the hell I forgot? While brushing my teeth I was reminded of the line "please try to appreciate other's time" that my prof had written on his e-mail. Hmmm. Why always the bouncing ball hits my nose?

Every mammal has its day

2006-02-14T11:17:00.000-06:00

Amazing! There are fifty days in February (Fifty-one if it is a leap year). This ain't in a special calendar. This is about the goofy and sappy or the unique holidays observed in this planet.

Do you know that today is Ferris Wheel Day? I am wondering if any single soul in this world is celebrating the invention of this amusement device, or atleast aware of this (I'm not including those Austrian guys). I bet the rest of the world is incognizant of this. No crime! You did not fail to learn your mother tongue. Instead my query is how significant it is to be acknowledged?

I was surprised to see a whole lot of "days". Yesterday was "Get a different name day" and tomorrow is "Singles awareness day". Often I wished to change my name (I was always at the end of the attendance register). Gosh! I missed it by a day. Had I changed my name yesterday I would have been eligible to celebrate "Middle name pride day". Hmm...I must manage with this same old name for another 365 days. Atleast I learnt about tomorrow. I must make use of it.

This Tuesday, I learnt whatever be a day is it has some significance and some specialty. Not every specialty is significant for everyone. If today is not your day then tomorrow is yours. And that is life my mate!! Did I say something wrong?

Freaky Friday

2006-02-10T10:47:00.000-06:00

Disclaimer: This post has got nothing to do with the Hollywood flick with the same title.

This happened nearly five months ago. I was walking to my office hurriedly. When the stop light at the intersection near to my office turned from blinking "Don't walk" to a solid sign, I kicked the ground. The girl next to me smiled and said, "Relax, it's Friday".

A couple of weeks before I was sitting at my desk, with a tired face and weird look at the monitor. My colleague entered with a "Hi". I smiled... a troubled smile. He said - "At last it's Friday!"

So, what's in store for this weekday? Do the two holidays following this day make it so special? Or is it the past four working days? Why we entertain it so much than the other six days?...Whatever be the reason we do have a soft corner for this day and we can never deny it.

Me no different. I am all excited when I approach Thursday. Make plans for the weekend. Nope! Not the party arrangements you may be tempted to think. I schedule my weekend duties. Duties that I never did in the past five days and truly never going to be completed soon anyways. My Fridays are spent in planning, replanning, preplanning and all other activities that have suitable prefix with plan. Maybe I love prefixes so much that I seldom prefer to add complete my plans and add suffices to it. What on this earth could me made just in forty-eight hours of laziness that was not even dared to be started in the other 120 hours? I don't know. But still I make my plans.

Where am I going wrong? Is that the act of getting up at 10 AM on weekends being included in my agenda or getting a shower at 3 PM makes the difference? I really can't say. Afterall, I am being honest to me - executing some atleast, not all of my listed duties. I still remember the fact that was told to me in my childhood, "If you plan ten different things you may end up doing atleast four successfully". It's true. I feel uncomfortable to waste my holidays unplanned. Now I don't waste my time as I am smart enough to scheme everything for my holidays including rest!

Before I wrap things up I must say, for some reason, I am reminded of this line from 'Jeans', "indru oayivu thane velai...aanaalum oayinthu poavathillai..." I don't know why and I don't want to. Simple. I can't afford to pass my Friday plain. You know well. I have a lot of planning to do!

Odd man out

2006-02-02T11:33:00.000-06:00

Today I feel different. I feel some sort of pain in my body, the pain you usually feel after a long tiring journey... Whatever it is I have to be at the school before 9 O' clock. Otherwise I have to meet my principal. Whoo... what a tiring life. It's already 8:40 now. Can I make it? I should make it. I push my bicycle pedals fast, fast and faster....Oh! my legs are paining. Its 8:50 now. I am only half my way... My God! Something said to me I won't be late. I was never late to school. So don't worry.

Only 3 minutes to 9. I am at the corner of the street where my school is. Damn! the signal turned red. I stop my bike and turn around. I see a movie poster that is pasted in the wall right to me. Two lovers sitting on a beach with a catamaran behind them. I stare the poster and am humming a tune from the film. I heard something in me telling the guy is the dad of two kids and the lady is married. Honk! The car behind me told the color changed to green. I pedal faster and faster and finally I reach the school at 8:59 AM. Whoohoo! I made it.

The first hour is physics. The teacher is talking something about simple harmonic motion. All I heard is pendulum, oscillation and pendulum. I am still panting with my heads down. Someone is calling me. I shake my head to see my physics teacher standing before me. "Define simple harmonic motion". I am mute. "What are you doing?". ".....". "You were not listening to the class". "....". "If you are not attentive you will not get through the half-yearly exam". After two minutes of silence I now sit down. I am smiling. Smiling? Yes! something inside me told I will never fail my half-yearly exam and to my surprise I thought this teacher will not work here till my exam. Any intuition?

Now the third class is Maths. My ears are hearing some words about differential equations, and my eyes are looking at the girl sitting on the row to my left side. Suddenly I turn my head and face the board. I feel something in me telling the girl is pregnant and expecting a baby soon. What? What the hell happened to me today?

I open my lunch box to see the usual food. My friend has his usual lunch. A guy approaches us, with a smiling face. "whatsup?" - my friend asks him. "hey! whatsup?" - he replies. "Meet my old buddy ...." I complete his name before he started. But I never opened my lips to say his name. How can I know one's name whom I am seeing for the first time in my life? I smiled again.

"You must practise the diagrams more" - my Botany Ma'am says to me. She is very much interested in me and hopes I get into a Med school. "Sure Ma'am" I reply her. But again the 'something' smiled. You will not go into a Med School. Shit!

After a long confusing, strange day I return home. Today something is different. Is ervything okay? I am checking myself in the mirror. Slowly combing my hair and gently touching my thin little moustache with my right index finger. Again I heard a giggling sound. Something said I don't have a moustache. What the heck!! I lifted my hand to break the mirror..."It's late. Go to bed" - my mom called. I feel tired and I don't know when I slept.

Still I have the same pain. I am in front of my computer checking e-mails. I see an e-mail from my old classmate. Good news! She has given birth to a baby boy. And another e-mail from my prof about the seminar in semiconductor devices next week. I feel tired. Let me refresh myself. I go to washroom and look in the mirror to see my well shaven face! Something struck me. I lifted my neck in frustration. I felt more pain than yesterday. Aaaahhhh!!! really it hurts.

Poetic heroism

2006-02-01T22:56:00.000-06:00

"Enkitta Modhathae... Naan Raajathi Rajanadaa..." I was listening to this song yesterday. Being so attracted by this number, I played it in a loop and listened it for a couple of hours. After repeated listening something struck me. I was asking to myself-"Is this a heroic song?"

To my despair I couldn't find an assertive response. The song indeed has a few lines about the hero's bravery and his macho skills. So why doubt it? Call it a heroic song. OK I can call it a hero....hold on! I forgot the song also had some words that revealed the hero's political beliefs. Is this necessary in a so-called heroic song? Isn't it diluting the song that praises the valiance of the hero? Something is puzzling me. Getting down a little bit deep into the song, I was reminded that this song is sung by the hero after he turned to a brave man from a coward country person. Technically, this song must throw light on his heroism and not on his socio-political ideas.

Praising heros for their bravery is not a novel theme. Right from Sanga Ilakkiyam, we have poets lauding their king's gallantry with all those Thinais and Thurais in Puranaanooru. Not to forget the greatest bard Shakespeare spent a lot of his efforts in glorifying his Emperors' bravery and achievements. Our old heros were kings and emperors who ruled the world, and they attained those things that were not even visible to the eyes of an average person.

Today our heros do not belong to a great dynasty. They are common people and one among us. How can one call the song that praises the skills and expertise of a welder, auto driver, sickle maker, milkman, henchman, unemployed youth ,.... as a heroic song? It simply shows us how skillful and powerful they are. Nothing beyond that. Such ideas sometimes fail to appear poetic and powerful. I remember someone commenting the lines,
'Kambeduthu Aaduvaen...
Kaththisandai Poduvaen...
Kuthuvathil Sooran Naan...
Gusthigalil Veeran Naan...'
lacked a poetic touch even though they described the skills and the physical power of the hero only due to the simple reason the hero was a common villager who led a simple life. I'm not saying they can't be brave and intelligent. But summing up such successes mostly fail to appear big and often fail to leave an impression on us. Sadly, in due course of time they get closer to that place which is not far from calling them as an object of ridicule. Seems like they are void of something that will take them to the place where they can be considered as a song of heroism.

Surprisingly most of these songs have either a social or a philosphical overtone. This really creates a confusion about whether this song is a tribute to the hero's bravery and skills or a social/political/philosophical discourse set into tunes. Is this part of the verse pulls down to the song or are we missing something else that is essential or am I wrong in my view? Devuda! Devuda!

Fly on the wall

2006-01-24T18:06:00.000-06:00

After an interesting conversation in my office, I was walking back home. I was thinking about the discussion we had earlier today. Really an attractive topic to write on. Maybe I should add some more to make it spicy and write it. Hmm... it is always good to keep your ears open. You never know know when you will get such good ideas....

"Hey!" - Someone called me from behind. I turned. To my surprise it was Dude.

"Hey dude! What's up? Long time; no see".

"Pretty good. Yeah, I was somewhat busy with my exams and off to hometown for holidays. How is it goin?"

"Everything okay. So taking some courses?"

"Yup".

"How is your buddy?"

"He is doing great. Moved back home".

"I see. How is your writing coming up? Any new projects?"

"Hmmm.... I am not into more of writing nowadays."

"Why? Course loads?"

Quickly nodding, "Nay...it's like a pain.. you know, a weight that pulls you out of you.".

As usual I did not understand anything. "What?"

"You know. When you want to create something you must observe a lot of things. Afterall you are writing something that happens in your life, around you, in your world, among your people. So you got to be a non-stop observant ever. Man, that's ok. I like to observe things. But when it exceeds beyond a point and you start feeling that you are losing the pleasure of that thing...."

"Dude, can you tell me clearly?"

" Ok. Say if I am writing a script about a grad student life and make a character out of you, things will become harder for us. I will start watching you not as a friend but as a writer. Everything you do and speak will be noted by me and I will frequently bump into your privacy to know more about you. Also if you know about my script, you will try to stop moving with me. This may even terminate our friendship. Simply, I will be considered as a fly on the wall, sitting silently and observing keenly the characters for his play. To be true, even now I am not casual and try to capture most of you and your body language. I don't want to lose my people for my creativity. On the other hand, writing is my passion. I can't dump it. So, I decided not to write more."

"How true!!"

The Anbe Sivam in me

2006-01-18T10:42:00.000-06:00

"Can someone suggest any idea to improve our country's economy?" - My History teacher threw an open question to the class of X standard. I stood up and said, "Our country should try to adopt an equal economical government". The whole class saw me with a different look. And there was an animated debate for the next half an hour. This happened nearly a decade ago. Period.

I was sitting in my room studying for my semester exams. I heard a dialogue from a TV serial - "Kaathalum puratchiyum pesaatha ilangnyane illa". I grinned. It was nearly five years ago. Period.

Pongal 2003. KamalHassan and Madhavan starring "Anbe Sivam" got released. I was all excited to watch the movie asap. But could not watch it for the next three months due to some reasons. My friends who saw it commented 'movie sucks'. Period.

Three years later. Today I am sitting and chewing my old memories while the film's OST is playing in my background. To be true I have no knowledge about the philosophy or the social movement talked in the film, nor I am trying to put up a review of the movie (I am still ignorant of the science and the art of cinema to review it).

The film deals with two issues, one blended over the other, like layers of interwined threads that appears to be single large rope - equal economy and humanity. My questions are how these two are related and what made me and my friends to give such reactions in the past. When I was trying to figure out I came up with some facts that I believe to be convincing answers.

Luckily, I was able to find some relation between these two after an advanced search. Probably I think the basic connectivity might have been developed from the concept of equality in the social status in the first philosophy and the underlying idea of selflessness and mutual concern that humanity talks about.

Now, the movie has three characters. Yes! I mean three. Mr. Nallasivam, the not so good looking humane peace lover, Mr. A.Arsu, the handsome ad maker who always seem to be in a hurry and Mr. Anbarasu, the man who evolved from A.Arsu after meeting Nallasivam.

I was never a Nallasivam and I am pretty sure I can never ever become one unless some external force influences me. I am still wondering what made me to tell such an answer to my History teacher when I was only 15! Maybe some attempt to pull the attraction of the class or to get into the teacher's good books. The hapenning of events later in the next ten years made me to think that answer could not have opened straight from my heart.

Maybe I could have been an Anbarasu earlier. That's why I might have grinned on the second occasion. Even if I had told the answer from my heart out of blue, I should have (and still am) thought it was the offspring of a quick crush that I had with that philosophy (remember the dialogue also touches infactuation). It could have been one of my smile of frustration. A smile that signifies something is lost. If I had not told the answer in a real manner, then it could have been a smile of pretention - something that reminds me to what extent I can sham myself to achieve something.

During the third occasion, I was entering the phase of being A.Arsu. And, I was not realizing it then. So do my friends. To put in simple words, "we were grown". No more kids; we are adults. We were becoming responsible and ofcourse we had to take care of our life. Quickness became our motto. We had no time to stop and see things around us. We were too busy to think about life beyond career growth. Events were happening in the same pace we wanted them to, otherwise we were the odd ones. Note that we never wished to be the odd ones. We either wanted to lead a group or atleast be the last follower (if none of our efforts to be the leader suceeds). Isn't it fair? We toil hard, burn midnight oil, compete with our friends, run behind a fast moving target. We sacrifice many things and why not expect something in return? I did not find anything wrong when my friends did not like a slow, not-so entertaining film. To be true, I didn't have any strong sentiment to the film when I had the opportunity to view it first.

Now, I am in other hemisphere of the globe. I am now a complete A.Arsu, one of the young benefactors of today's global economy. I have thousands of A.Arsu's as my friends back home and here. I am left with nothing but some childhood memories of humanity to masticate with. I don't know a way out for the man in me. I hardly have time to search for an exit to him out and find an entrance to let in a new one. By 'new one' I mean Anbarasu. I know Nallasivam is a grape for the fox in me. Last, but not the least I hope one day A.Arsu will turn as Anbarasu....The question is..... How long is the wait?

My Mementoed Memories

2006-01-12T10:27:00.000-06:00

NOTE: This narrative style is highly inspired from Christopher Nolan's "Memento" screenplay.

I am on cloud nine. I am driving a car. Though I have driven cars a bunch of times before, I am still uncomfortable. I am wearing a violet checked full sleeve shirt and blue Lee jeans. I am driving in the local roads of suburbs. "Watch out for stop sign and when you apply brakes, don't jam it" - K told me. I could feel a sense of caution and responsibility and a little anger in his voice. K is really a good person.

It is 10:00 AM. I am still lying in my bed. Shouldn't I be working? Now...I remember it is Saturday. Oh...!What a long week has it been? I tried to recollect the events happened in the last five days. I couldn't get everything precisely.

K is really a good person. K, R and I are going to play pool. Today we are not playing bowling since no one turned up. We are only three. We are walking towards the rec center. I ask K casually, "Can you teach us driving in your car?". He says "OK". "Shall we go tomorrow?". "Why not today?"

I couldn't get everything precisely. Damn! I forget things. Someone said memory is unreliable. How true? Why can't humans remember everything in their brain. Everything..I mean it. Everything from food, dress, words spoke, people met. Everything, my dear!

"Why not today?" I ask my brother. "Why we shouldn't watch Fun with Dick and Jane today"? "You see. It's raining heavily. I can't drive to the theatre now". "Don't let out some lame excuses. We are half way to the theatre. You can ride to this fast food to get our lunch. can't you drive another 15 miles?". "Cut the crap. It was nice when we started. And comparing eating and watching a movie is like comparing apples wih oranges". I am disappointed and angry.

Everything my dear! I must have some means to remember everything that happened to me. Something that I can refer after sometime later in my life and smile. How exciting! I remember what I scored in my high school final exam. But to be honest I didn't remember what did I say to my mom immediately after I know my marks. If I had some records where I can refer to my earlier conversations, how sweet it will be.

I am disappointed and angry. I told my brother yesterday four times that I am coming at 2:00 PM today. Why the hell he is not here to pick me? You know something. It is the most irritating thing to wait for someone in the cold when you expect someone to be there before you. "Are you waiting for a long time?" he asked. "Hmm.."."I'm sorry. I had to fill gas". "Hmmm..". "How was your skiing?". "Not bad".

How sweet it will be to have a memory database. A large collection of events that happened earlier in my life. How to make it? Diary? Hmm...I don't like writing diaries. Yeah! I am lazy and don't want to pull out a diary and fill out something everynight before I go to sleep. What else?

Not bad. In fact I felt real good. It was like floating in clouds when I changed to my usual shoes. Those ski boots were like dinosaurs. I can't even stand stand straight with those on. Anyways it was a thrilling and exciting experience. Also had a lot of fun. I feel I did a lot for a beginner.

What else? Nothing is coming to my mind. It must be something that I should update regularly. No excuses. But at sometime it will evolve as a habit, compelling me to write daily even if I don't have anything to write, just like brushing my teeth everynight even if I fast! So it really is nothing but a binder. I don't want to be bonded to something.

A lot for a beginner. This instructor is teaching a lot about skiing in an hour. Fastening the ski blade itself a pain in the rear. Now I have to catch the lift and go all the way up and ski downwards. Heck no! I am not doing it. I don't want to fall down and hurt myself....It is about one-half hours we came. All my buddies are skiing. I am alone. This is my final try to catch the lift. If not, I quit. I stand before the rail bending myself forward and waiting for the lift. I catch the lift and go upwards. I am now it the top. I must go down now. I am really scared. Thanks to N. He boosted me to ski down. Now I am skiing. I am experiencing a feeling that must be the mix of fear, thrill, excitement and happiness.

I don't want to be bonded to something. I must enjoy my freedom. Its me who must decide to write or not. Something that never questions me. Do I know anything? Let me think... Hmm... How about a blog? A blog? Not a bad idea. But not good either.

I am experiencing a feeling that must be the mix of fear, thrill, excitement and happiness. Think it must be the result of the relief of anxiety. Everytime I have this when I check my grades. This time it is good. Three As. A great relief.

"Not good either" I say to myself. It is in public domain. Open to everyone. So you have no privacy. Do you really want to give a shot? Why not? Who is going to read it until I tell my URL. Even if I did I hope only a few will.

A great relief. Completed the semester. Not really a taxing one. But you know, the sigh you give after every burden you unload. Entering into so-called holidays for a month. Let me see how I use my holidays.

Yes only a few will check my blog and they are obviously known to me. Why fear about privacy, security, blah, blah, blah? Also R has one. Did he ever told about privacy issues? Why worry? Yup, must try a hand. See how long it lives. Must be a good source to improve my writing English. Okay, will start soon.

"Let me see how I use my holidays?" I tell to myself. Four days of Thanksgiving vacation. Had a lot of plans. To go to bro's place, spend time, practise driving.... all castles in air are no more. Had to complete an assignment. Due on Monday. Last minute pressure. We must always be ready to expect the unexpected. Really a different Thanksgiving vacation.

Okay will start soon. But won't let it know to everyone immediately. Will wait for a couple of days to make it official. Shall I start today? Today... no I have to go out. Ok tomorrow, Sunday.

"Really a different Thanksgiving vacation" I thought to myself. I plan to go to my bro's place. Must practise driving atleast two days. Also we may go somewhere. It has been a long time since we had a good road trip. Can't wait for the holidays. "Hopefully should have some news for my next post" I think about the approaching holidays.

Sunday. I am all prepared. I have my breakfast. Create an account and open a blog. Must give a catchy name. It must be my reflection. Also a good URL address. I start thinking.....I am still thinking. Heck! It is almost an hour I am looking for names. I am going to stick with this. So I go online. I have my own blog to write my memories. I am on cloud nine.

So you call me....

2006-01-10T20:34:00.000-06:00

An unusual month in winter....really not so cold in this 'has to be' cold season. Something different makes me worried about the approaching summer. If it is close to 40s in winter, I couldn't imagine how it's going to be in summer. I am not in the game. So... you call me cautious.

Things are as usual. Getting up day by day, facing same things again and again, doing or not doing the cliched habitual duties. Life is getting close to Bill Murray's "Groundhog" experience. Must try to find out a way to make it more happening....or less happening! So... you call me fussy.

Nothing came up in my mind to write. Waited for a couple of days. No start. Felt like writing something to show myself on the league. Still trying to get some interesting topic to scribble on. Couldn't believe I drained out so early. So... you call me unimaginative.

With no idea I started. Filled up the space with nothing. So I have a post ready to publish. Just like Seinfeld - as George refers "the show about nothing", this turned out to be a post about nothing. So...you call me now....what?

Amidst a conversation...

2006-01-05T22:43:00.000-06:00

"So, you don't agree with Darwinism?" said the guy next to me.

"Not completely. But I don't believe there is any logic in it" responded the the one from my back.

It was around 8:00 PM. The place was barely lit. I was sitting next to the door. There were seven other people sitting around me. Beyonce was singing in the CD player.

What is this description? Hell! Who needs description? I'm hungry. I had my lunch sometimes before 1 O'clock. I feel like falling down. Someone please give me something to eat...Pizza, burger, cookies,...something.....please.

"It is ridiculous to turn down evolution theory" said someone from the front.

"How could you explain the birth of human beings without evolution? Something related to theism is absurd". This time a gentleman from my side.

"It is not like that...You must understand it has a lot of flaws...."

"Not any flaws. It is a hypothesis. May be some errors here and there, but we can't completely ignore it. You must understand..."

"It is an old story...Kinda old wine in a new bottle..."

I heard a lot of voices around me. Beyonce continued singing. I wish I had cotton plug. Luck me! I felt like blacking out. Please for God's sake give me something edible. And get me out of this place.

"Everything cannot be accepted blindly. There must be reason for anything".

"Don't you agree this theory has sufficient reasoning..."

"If so, you are contradicting you..."

"What a crappy reason..."

"You can't call something trash if you don't understand it..."

"I was not.."

Beyonce was in her highest pitch. My eyes are cannot control the lids to remain open. I am exhausted...This is it! I'm not taking this anymore. I am getting out from this noisy dungeon right now. I opened the window and stepped out.

Aaaaaarrrrrrggghhhh!

I fell on the road with a great speed. I had wounds in my legs and bruises in my hand. When I touched my forehead, I felt blood. My whole body was in pain. i heard brakes screaching in the front and in the back. Also honks and sirens. Next second I realised that I was travelling in a minivan that was cruising with a speed of 65mph in a interstate highway.

Sid's heart... desires what?

2005-12-23T12:33:00.000-06:00

Three friends....go on a road trip to Goa from Mumbai on a convertible Benz.... pull over on the national highway...take turns in driving and sleeping...yup! You got it. I'm talking about Akash, Sid and Sameer and their Dil Chahta Hai. The story that talks about the lives of three urban youngsters and thereby is heavily adulterated with western especially American culture. The film ends by the scene that shows the three friends sitting in the same beach in Goa where they spent their summer a couple of years ago. While Akash and Sameer have come with their wives, Sid is all alone. There he sees his old college mate Deepa and the last shot of the film ends by all the six going for a toast in a restaurant. "This is called character assasination" - Ravi said this statement seeing this. I did not agree first. But this made me to think for a while.... a long while. BTW, Who is Sid? How about the other two guys? When I was trying to get an answer to justify my stand, there came a few reasons in my mind.

Sid is shown as an obsessive lover of a middle aged alchoholic divorcee. Quite an impressive character. Right from the beginning he is portrayed as a soft and genteel person. He never goes behind girls like his buddy Sameer or plays some practical jokes like Akash. He seems to be responsible, reserved and respectable.

What made him to fall for his elderly neighbor? I would say sympathy. We are shown Sid's mom, but not his dad. Maybe there is a story behind it. Maybe Sid could have been brought up by a single mom and hence the compassion. Okay... Why he married his old college mate finally? Again the same compassion and commiseration. He did not see his soul mate in Goa; but he saw a lonely girl who was deprived of her love by her dream boy and laments over the dead infactuation. Poor guy, he couldn't understand that his feelings are merely an understanding of others' sufferings and nothing beyond that. I can go further by saying that any girl in place of Deepa would have attracted Sid provided she had been left alone.

In one way or other I can analogize these friends to the three Gandhian monkeys. Sameer is the one who closes his eyes. He never takes the pain to open and see things around. Just hears to others and talks in a haste. Akash on the other hand never opens his mouth. It is not that he could not do it; it is he does not want to do it. All because of his fear of getting rejected, he fakes his opinion about love and goes to the extent of saying that no such emotion exists in this planet. After talking about these guys, we are only left with Sid and the monkey that has closed ears. Does it mean he never listens to anyone? Could be. He did not listen to his mom, friend or his neighbor that his feeling towards the old lady is unnecessary.

Eventually, I would say Sid is not that matured as seen. He is as confused as Sameer. He is not able to judge his feelings and often misunderstands them. Also like Akash he is afraid of failures. If Akash is reluctant to open his mouth fearing of being thrown down, Sid satisfies himself with whatsoever without getting into the game. In that sense, the silly sameer scores the points. Anyways, there must be something in common among friends...after all they are friends to share their commons. And yeah... it is very hard to find what every one's heart desires for?

Long long ago....

2005-12-21T10:27:00.000-06:00

That's how ninety percent of my childhood stories begin. Another ten percent begin with the words "Once upon a time..." Isn't story telling an art? I remember the good old days where I used to hear stories from my elders and sometimes I was forced narrate stories in 'story telling competitions' (Man! I hate such competitions!!)

Getting use to conventional story narration from childhood, when I came across different styles of telling a story in later days, I could do nothing to stop me from being suprised. It was not known to me till recent past that such a simple story of jackal cheating the crow can be told in numerous ways and ofcourse be interesting at the same time!

The one page short stories in weekly magazines that were my favorite in my schooldays and teens mostly told a story from the beginning to the end either in a third person view or in a 'first person singular' style (mostly the first person being the author). Almost all the movies that I had seen then also had such a narration (if I ignore the oft repeated flashback technique).

Later (actually in the recent past) when I got a chance to read some sci-fis or watch some flicks that did not have a linear narration or the usual first person narration, I understood the importance that a narration holds more than the story itself! The short stories of Kalki or Devan that I have been reading now and then for the past few months have most of the stories told through some other person who is neither involved in the story nor he the author. I don't know how such a style is categorized. The short story "Mudivu" by Sujatha where three letters explains the events is classified as sci-fi. What? It was a story without even a tint of science in it. Experts say the stlye of narration was unconventional and hence the story could be called a sci-fi. Okay, that's fine. Then what you call about films that have back and forth narration and where the story is told in bits and pieces (sometimes so confusing and profound to contrieve a conclusion!) and don't have anything that is scientific?

Anyways, I realized that the power of the story lies in the way in which it is told. Influenced by such elements, I tried some uncoventional way of explaining things. My earlier post on Dude and Buddy is a perfect example of a lame attempt of explaining a story through script sheets (similar to letters). So the post that explains about the anonymous meeting in the eyes of a third person. Hmm! People often are reluctant to accept their weaknesses. I must soon shed my reluctance.....hopefully....very soon!

Musical colors

2005-12-15T11:55:00.000-06:00

Day1:

It was midnight. There was pitch black darkness in my room. I was not getting my sleep. After spending a couple of minutes closing my eyes, turning around in the bed and other futile efforts to fall asleep, I took my walkman. When I pressed the play button....an electronic flute gives out a fresh tender lead music, as fresh as a dew drop on a newly formed light green grass. A male mellifluous voice takes over the music and adds meaning to the tune.The song begins..."Pachai Niramae...".

Truly an amazing song. Can colors be conveyed through music? Yes is the answer. Not only the colors, but shades too! The song begins from the fresh green grass, travelling all the way through the chlorophyll green leaves and the dull green nerves and musically explaining all the shades of red, yellow, blue, black and white. Just by music and words. After green, the tender music becomes hard and begins to portray the shades of red. Now slowly there is a bright transition to yellow family, as bright as the solar rays and hot as a flame. Suddenly it slows down and becomes as deep as a silent sea and a silent sky to show us the blue varieties. Gradually a chorus note takes you to the haunted dark night and opens up all the shades from dark rain clouds through the wings of crow and the color of sparrow. Again the flute plays supported by some female chorus. This time it is fresh and clear, as clear as a white labiatae flower. Yes! We have been shown the whites finally. Slowly the song ends after the flute sound fades..... And I don't know when I slept.

Day 2:

Next day. Around noon. Was so hungry and tired to concentrate in my work. Almost felt like blacking out. Now I play a song in my computer. The moment I pressed the play button, I hear a group of female voices humming fast at the instant, reaching a cresendo and slowing down gradually and interrupted by a coarse male voice melodiously humming the tune.....the words say "Thendral Vandhu theendum...."

Another song that shows you the colors. Just by music. Just ONLY by music. There are no words that explain the hues. Hence the subtlety. But as strong as the previous song. You can't find colors and shades explicitly as Pachai Niramae.., but you do have colors in this tune. The sounds you hear will be the colors you would see if they change form. While the previous songs is an attempt to see different colors and shades through music, this is an effort to explain colors to a visually impaired person through other senses. You hear, you see. You feel, you see. You taste, you see. You smell, you see. This is the end result.

The haunting voices in the first interlude and the violin chords in the second interlude shows you the two extremes of the spectrum. The sense of sorrow and eagerness in the femal voice and the feel of diffidence in the male voice throughout the song explains the lady's grief for not able to see the colors and the quest to understand them as well as the lack of ability of her man to show her what it is. The words show you the other four senses, but the music takes you to the fifth sense - vision.

Just close your eyes and don't visualize anything when you hear these songs. I bet you'll have the feeling of passing through a prism. You will enter as a plain white light and get yourself refracted and exit as the seven colors of the spectrum. Believe me.

There is a short story by writer Sujatha in which he tries to explain the colors to a visually impaired person through the seven swarams. I say these two songs stand a good testimony. What say?

Anonymous rendezvous

2005-12-11T23:02:00.000-06:00

I was so hungry. The cafeteria was crowded. I was walking with my sandwich in one hand and pop on the other. Can I find some place to sit? There seems to be none. What? Not even a single chair? I think someone is leaving on the left corner....near the ornamental plant. Yes, that guy is moving. I got catch the place. Walk fast. Hmm... faster will be better. C'mon.. you got to sit. Don't miss this table...please...Yeah.. I reached the table and I am sitting now.

Sometimes, ranch is not too good with black olives. Next time I should try either one. BTW, who is this guy who is looking at me? Maybe not at me. Someone else. Ah! I forgot to tell you. At times I feel Italian Herbs and Cheese is better than Hearty Italian. Is he again looking at me? I turn around. No one else. Only the plant. Yes. He IS looking at me. And he is smiling. Do I know him? I don't think so.

I shouldn't get strong soda always. Maybe diet will be good occasionally. I see him coming towards me. Does he want something? Is he going to take any survey or talk about those business kinda stuff? I am in no mood. I have to eat and go to my class. No time to answer questions. He is in front of me. He says, "Hi. How are you?"
"Doing pretty good. How you doin?"
"Great".
"Good".
Some silence....
He goes, "Hey, Are you graduating this sem?"
"Yes. This is my last sem".
"Are you taking seminar course this sem".
"Yeah..."
"I saw you the other day. Tried to talk to you, but you were busy".
"I see".
"Ok.. catch u later. Bye".
"Bye".

He left. But who is he? He is average height, medium built, fair and has a sharp nose with short black hair. But who the hell is he? He had seen me during the seminar class. He must be in my department. People from other department are not allowed to take seminar course generally. He knows I'm graudating this semester. But I don't know who he is. Gosh! I hate when people talk to me without any introduction taken for granted that I know them. Silly! Anyway I got to eat fast and make it to the class. I have only five minutes. Hmm.... sometimes we meet some anonymously familiar persons!

This was the story written by a fellow student based on an incident in his life, with whom I took a class two years ago. Shit! I often forget to tell my name and reintroduce myself to my old classmates. How can I think they know me and my name even after a couple of years?

Fourth Dimension

2005-12-09T11:23:00.000-06:00

"Time is our fourth dimension", said my IC Design lecturer in my junior year. Then I was in no position to appreciate it. Now, after a couple of years, I think I can accept it; atleast agree with a receiving nod. Having spent more than a score of months in this land of opportunity (so-claimed by all, I stick to it), and after shedding my mischievous childhood and bubbly teen years, I can now realize how I had moved with my fourth dimension.

Dictionary.com gives the meaning of Dimension as "A measure of spatial extent, or an extent or magnitude or scope, or an aspect or element". Seems like going by the meaning we can say the extent or scope of one's life is measured by his fourth dimension - time. It's hard to imagine a world without clock. We live time, eat time, work time, play time, sleep time and... also blame time. Absurd! Truly ridiculous to blame time. The fact is we hardly complain about the lack of our other three dimensions, but we never feel shame to complain the fourth one. Why to blame the scale if you are not slim? Why to blame the clock if you are not punctual?

Okay... Did I spent all my time wisely? Didn't I ever complain about lack of time? I am dumb. I can't do anything more than drooping my head. My explanation is....really......what I mean to say is......Oh God! I've got to do some stuff soon. Catch u later. Shit! I really don't have any time. Oops........!

I made a snowman

2005-12-08T23:35:00.000-06:00

Today it was snowing cats and dogs (can I say that?). I remember the last heavy snowfall was the unforgettable snow storm last Thanksgiving. I know it is not difficult to say that snow is lovely and enjoyable when you are inside a building and watching it through the window pane. Real snow is what you see if you are on the other side of the window glass.

I fulfilled two of my long term wishes today. First, I took a bunch of snaps in snow (thanks to Naren). Second, I made a snowman with Raj (which turned out to be snow clown). Silly, isn't it? True. Some childhood desires that failed to see the reality may still be in you. You might never know you are carrying those desires at your back. Only when you feel its weight, you rediscover them in you. At such times you are not what you are; but you are what you were. A rewind of ages happens, as it happened to me. Hmm... that's interesting. You travel time, but you really don't.

Did I say I learnt two things today?

Don't stand or play for a long time in snow. Your hands and feet will get numb and you will feel pricking pain atleast for the next half an hour.
Making snowman is not my cup of tea; kids are really smart and creative.

When it rains, it pours

2005-12-04T16:41:00.000-06:00

Whenever I say the words in the title, I am remembered of the picture of the little girl in a yellow frock holding umbrella on one hand and salt tin on the other hand, that is usually seen in the side of Morton Salt container. These words aptly describe the weather condition in Tamilnadu.

This year it has been a monsoon marathon all over India. If it was south-west monsoon during August that raided the west and the north parts of the country, it is north-east now taking care of the south-eastern parts. The south-west monsoon usually never fails, providing enough rain to the western ghats contour line. The north-east or retreating usually never forgets to fail, leaving the farmers in the southern states to sit in front of their fields and have their neck turned upwards hoping some dark clouds come over.

This year, the usual thing happened for the south-west monsoon, but excessively. Also the unsual thing happened for north-east monsoon. When the cities and villages in the north started to recover from the floods, the southern villages and cities began to submerge in another deludge. Seems like there has been no such rain for the past fifty years in the country. It reminds me of the statement my Geography teacher in seventh standard used to say "Indialae one kaanchu kedukkum, illa paenchu kedukkum". This time the second one. Sigh!

Iruvar-Not the Maniratnam film

2005-12-02T18:14:00.000-06:00

Before we get on to this post, let me introduce two people. Ofcourse I have to. Afterall this post is about them.

Dude-a twenty some post graduate student in engineering. He has a strong passion for script writing and still trying to get a perfect script from various incidents and people he had met with in his life.

Buddy-Dude's best buddy (they mutually believe in this fact!!). A software professional who always feels his professional life needs to be more challenging. More pragmatic than Dude.

Accidentally, I saw a loose sheet of paper from Dude's lecture notes. Looked like one of his attempted script. It only had two scenes. I'm not sure whether they are in sequence. But I thought I can share it with you guys. Unfortunately some words were not readable (blame his handwriting!). So I'm leaving a blank space for those. Here you go!

Scene 1:

Location: A crowded moving train in a big city in an Asian country.
Time: Present day. (A bright summer evening).
Characters: Dude & Buddy.

Buddy: Yeah. Thats it. I'm not taking the offer.
Dude: Why?
B: It's not for me. I'm not the man.
D: So, you are goin to go for higher studies? (looks straight into Buddy's eyes).
B: Yup. But not abroad. I wish to do a masters in ...... university.
D: I know. But don't you think you have to work now to pay your loans.
B: (looking Dude in a pensive way) That's true. But that job is not going to be interesting. You read the work description and were listening to m big lecture so far, right?
D: (nodding) Hmm..
B: Still you want me to take that one?
D: Yeah. It's going to help you. You'll get some money and payback your debts. You can help your parents.
B: But it is a....
D: No 'But'. Hey, you can study whenever you feel like but right now you need some money. (looking more intensly) Listen, you are smarter than me and more intelligent. I'm not pretending or teasing. Just straight from my heart. I know you deserve more than this. You got to understand the need of the hour. I too wish you to study further. Infact I wish you could come with me to States. But we must take things as they come. Just say yes now. We can decide about other things later. Okay?
B: (After some silence and a deep breath) Okay.
D: yeah, that's good. My station has arrived. Catch you later. Bye.

(Dude gets down the train with a smile).

Scene 2:

(Placard display: Two years later....)

Style: A telephone conversation between Dude who is somewhere in a big city in USA and Buddy who is working in an Australian county.
Time: An early fall morning.

Dude: So, when are you going back?
Buddy: In a couple of months, maybe by the end of the year.
D: How do you feel in ......?
B: Mmmm.. Okay, but I don't like staying here for a long time. Kinda boring.
D: Think you miss her a lot. (chuckles)
B: Yeah. I miss all my folks a lot.
D: Have you planned your wedding?
B: Not yet. But her folks want her to get her married soon.
D: What about your Masters plan?
B: She is fine with it. But no clue when should I take it. Afraid how could I manage it. Lost the touch and think I have no fire in me. Probably shouldn't have taken the offer then. Got stuck in this corporate world. But again, I paid all my debts. Let's see...Things are pretty hazy.
D: Yeah.. I can understand your situation. You should've gone to study then. I've also felt that I pursued you a lot to take up the job, which I shouldn't have. But as you say, this one helped you a lot.
B: How about you? Did you get a chance to write something?
D: Me...no. I haven't got anything. hard luck! And....yeah... I hope to graduate by next sem.
B: That's okay. You'll get one soon. And congrats on your graduation. Any idea of signing up further?
D: Nothing clear. Research is interesting, although I feel like studying for a long time. As well, you know the passion is still on me.
B: I think you have to go ahead and sign up further.
D: What do you mean? You are the one who told me to try different companies and not to give it up.
B: Yeah. It was mistake. Something told hastily.You are the man for doing research. May be you can take up writing as a hobby and not a profession. But anyways we can't stop good things from happening. And I've just 30 seconds left in my card.
D: Okay. I'll consider that. And good luck to you too. Say hi to .......
(Dial tone...)

I couldn't comprehend anything from these two scenes of an amateur writer. But I guess this story is about two friends who are filled with self-centered ideas and concern for mutual welfare equally. Any other guesses?

Lovely lines

2005-11-28T21:13:00.000-06:00

Nalla Manam Un Pol kidayaathu
Nanri Solla vaarthai Yenakkathu?
Oru Thaai Nee..Un Seiy Naan..
Intha Uravukku Pirivaedhu?

Thaaimadiyil Seiydhan Varalaama?
Thallininru Thunbam Tharalaama?
Unnai Konja... Manam Kenja...
Ennai Thaniye Vidalaama?

Kuzhandhaiyum Kumariyenraayechae...
Konjidum Paruvam Poyaachae...
Manam Poalae... Magal Vazha ...
Nee Vaazhththum Thaayachae....

How better can the two extremes can love be explained in a few simple rhymic words? While the female sings her respectable love to her man personifying him as a mother and her as the child, her man demands his lusty love with the same personification. Again her intelligent reply with regard to a relation between a grown-up daughter and her matured mom is amazing.

Has anyone else tried this mom-child prosopopoeia for a love couple before? Indeed Andal Paasurams and Meera Bhajans are pioneers. Honestly, this style is an outstanding emotional comparison. Really comparing one form of human relation with another distinct form of human relation and bringing out similarities between them is awesome. Afterall, Tamil film can still say that it has some good, poetic, emotional lyrics to boast about. Isn't it?

The unusual conversation - intruder revisited

2005-11-24T14:26:00.000-06:00

I was reading some of the comments posted by my fellows in my blog. Some rustling noise disturbed me. When I lifted my head I was asked, "Howya doin?" It was him again. The one I never wanted to meet again. With a sarcastic smile he greeted me. I was silent.
"Reading comments in your blog?"
I nodded. Didn't feel like talking.
"How is your trip? Are you enjoying it?"
"Trip? What are you asking about?"
Shoot! I talked. I was determined not to talk. He made me talk.
"Your trip. The one you are riding now".
What the heck? He never says anything clear.Getting irritated I asked, "I don't get what you are talking. I'm not going anywhere. Could you please make it clear?"
Again a smile. This time even more sarcastic and caustic.
"Please..." I had no option other than to beg.
"I'm asking about your ego trip".
"Ego trip?"
"Yes. The short lived ego trip you are riding on me".
"What do you call a ego trip? I'm not going any trip".
"No. You are. Its too late for you to hide. I caught you when you are on your trip".
"What do you mean? I was reading the comments on my blog when you barged in".
"Barged in? Anyways... that's fine. Yeah... reading comments in your blog. Isn't it a ego trip".
"You call it one?"
"Yes. You yearn for praises. You need people to read your writings and praise you 'good work', 'keep it up'. You get your ego fulfilled. You..."
"No. It is not like..."
"Stop. Don't interupt. Let me finish".
"You write things just to make people think you are a master of all trades and your intellectual thinking is unmatchable. You need people to laud you for your crappy writings. You get a cheap pleasure when they say you are good in writing and you write intelligent ideas. Just tell me the truth. Didn't you start this blog just for the sake of illusioning people you can write great things in a stylish way with a rich vocabulary?"
I had nothing to say.
"Hmm...no answer yet? Remember what I say last time?"
"Yeah...writing new ideas".
"So, did you write anything new?"
"Are you telling I haven't written anything new?"
"Yes. You wrote about books, sports, movies and some cartoon characters. Also you wrote something funny in the name of philosophy. I bet you had plans to write something on music too."
"So what? These topics had my own ideas, my own perspective. I wrote what I saw. I'll write how I see the world, and for your information world has all these what you claim 'old'".
I just recited the answer that I had prepared for him for the past one week.
With a frowning look he stared at me.
Yes! I made him dumb for a second. What a revenge?
"But, you didn't answer my other question".
It is my turn to be mute.
"Okay.There is no one without ego in this earth. Atleast accept you have this as an ego outlet".
My silence continued with my heads bowed.
"You know what? It is the hardest thing to accept truth in this world".
After few minutes I lifted my head to tell him something, just to see no one before me.
I agree accepting truth is the hardest thing in this world!

Visualizing books

2005-11-23T16:23:00.000-06:00

"If you tell me, it’s an essay. If you show me, it’s a story".

Looks like someone has quoted the above words. I'm reluctant to accept it completely, but I am ready to agree with it partially. Whenever I read a story book, I have the feeling that someone inside me is reciting the story for me. I imagine every story is told by a person (not really the author), who witnesses the events standing a few feet away from the characters. Obviously my narrator stands in the same position, however the characters move around; disadvantagouesly providing me a single point of view of the incidents and the characters. But still I get a picture of the people and the places from the description of my narrator and I'm drawn into the world that the author has created with the help of the guidance from my narrator. I see my protagonist, my antagonist, my supporting roleplayers, my milieu, and everything else, through the eyes of my narrator, just like how he sees and comprehends from the author's words.

When I see a story, the narrator in me is dead. He is no more to guide me and show my characters and travel me through incidents. I am guided by another person, be the director of the movie or play. Sadly, I'm losing my imaginative ability to understand the writer along with my narrator. Though it has some benefits. I can now get a multi dimensional view of the story if the external narrator provides me with one such thing. It seems pretty simple and easy to see a story rather than reading it. Isn't it? But mine is a negative response.

I think that's why booklovers are not satisfied when they see the same story on screen or on stage. Their own images of the characters and situations are given new color by the outside story teller. Me personally had a couple of experience in the past. Having watched LOTR on screen, I was not driven to read the book. Still I'm staying away from Harry Potter with a hope I'll read the series one day. Thanks to my higher secondary public examinations, I missed watching "Srirangathu Devathaigal" and "washingtonil Thirumanam" TV series. When I read those books after six years, I'm happy that my narrator is still alive in me. The same thing with Kalki's and Devan's work.

Unusally, sometimes I think a visual media also elevates your reading fervour. Occupied with a few unerasable images of "Alai Osai"'s characters and events, I am longing to read the Kalki's classic, just to revisit the new places I was shown by the other narrator and try whether I can get my own narrator to show me other perspective. I faintly remember it was aired in Doordarshan about a decade ago. So, it seems like I'm favoring both the sides of the coins. As you know the head alone never adds value to a coin and neither the tail by itself.

Stories are enjoyable when watched; and stories are lovable when read. So, read a story to get the experience of travelling closer to the writer's world by yourself and watch a story to witness the other side that was not revealed to you when you read it. This became my idea in the recent past. Maybe I can conclude by saying, "Even if you read, tell or show me a story, it is always a story. But my relation with it decreases respectively".

Follow the boucing ball

2005-11-21T21:51:00.000-06:00

Disclaimer: I have to mention two things before I begin this post.

I don't know anything about soccer and neither am I a big fan of any soccer team or player.
This post is written WITHOUT any intention to hurt any soccer fan (or sports fan) around the world.

I was talking with my Argentinean colleague about the Ronaldinho's soccer video. When I saw the clip first timw I was awestruck by the player's ball control. But I got a different response from my colleague. Right after I opened the topic, he said this guy is earning millions of dollars and his all day responsibility is to practise in the field. As a pro this is not a big feat for him. I was surprised by this retort. But it didn't take me long enough to learn that the player is from Brazil. My coworker also proofed some newspaper from his country that said the video is done with the help of computer.

Later when I was browsing through the net, I stumbled on the news article that had Zinadine's comment "Ronaldinho is breaking the laws of Physics for Nike". Again me surprised by the quote from this French pro.

I knew that soccer has the largest number of fans and fanatics in the workd than any other sports. But it is sad to see their overflowing zeal is restricted by their respective nation's boundary. After all sports is nothing but something done playfully. When "playful" is lost, "sports" doesn't exist. After witnessing this episode, I can now imagine how the fellow countrymen in the two neighboring countries of the Indian subcontinent will feel when they are showed a clip of Sachin hitting six sixers in an over or Shoaib taking six wickets in six consecutive balls!

Bart-The real Matt

2005-11-17T09:14:00.000-06:00

Another kid who impressed me a lot is Bart, the first child of the Simpsons family. Unlike Calvin, he has two siblings to share his life. But still he is a BOY. I mean a real naughty, lively boy.

Read somewhere that Matt created Bart's character based on his own. When a creator thrusts his or her own memories or qualities in a character, it obviously becomes close to reality. Bart is closer to the real world. To be precise the true hero of the Simpsons is Bart, since he is from the heart of the creator. Although not to be forgotten that Matt added his family members to his Simpson family with the same names. But it cannot be certainly commented that he was successful in portraying them with the same attributes. May be he or may not be. But Bart is different. I can bet that he is straight from his heart.

I'm pretty sure that every fictitious character will have some influence of the real world human that attracted the creator. But a character that the creator sees as his or her own reflection is more real and unassuming.

I actually cannot finger any particular character as my personal favorite in the Simpsons. Everyone is unique in their own way, representing one or many of the human sentiments. But Bart is a step ahead, standing at the threshold of the 2-D world and peeping with eagerness to be a part of this real life.

The other route

2005-11-15T21:32:00.000-06:00

Yet another lazy cold evening. With loads of plan and agenda on mind but nothing put into action. Everything becomes complicated when given a choice. Suddenly caught up with the question: "Is choice needed in life?" A second look showed me that life begins in a choice. The choice of the mother egg to accept me and nourish me. Hmm...seems like I'm towards philosophy.

Philosophy. It reminds me of the discussion me and Ravi had a few hours before. With an intruder spoiling my post yesterday, I was wondering what to write today. "Getting new ideas". These words are now swords near my neck. Being a senior to me I asked Ravi, why blogging? When everybody writes about the same thing why me an addition? He said "if books, movies, music, science and sports are not the stuff to write, then I have to try something on philosophy". If so, what can I philosophize? Am I Socrates or Plato to preach people?

Anyways, had some plans to write about something, but writing something. Again here comes the choice. Write something planned, or go for an impromptu. Think we can't get out of options. It has become mandatory for us to pick up some options. Sounds oxymoron?? Seems like life is an oxymoron by itself, a compilation of contradictions. Someone who said won't write things on a web diary (hinting the statistics 80,000 blogs are created in a day) is typing something in this post.

Okay, what am I trying to say through this boring article? If you comprehend something let me know. I had no idea what to say when I started this one. Still I don't know what am I saying. Somehow I filled up my space today believeing it's new.

A last word before I bid adieu. Someone barged me between these two paragraphs and read my post. The first question asked was "How the title is related to the post?" Again me dumbstruck. Can I get any help?

The unusual conversation

2005-11-14T21:27:00.000-06:00

When I started writing this post, I heard a distinct noise. It was a sneaking noise. Noise turned into voice now. I heard someone calling me. I lowered the volume of the music I was listening to. Now I could hear it better.

"What are you writing?" It was an authoritative question.
"Hmm..a new post in my blog".
"I knew it. What's it about?", now with more command.
"Err... I don't know. Just felt like writing something. By the way who are you?"
"So you got into writing without knowing what to write?"
"Not exactly. I will get things as I write. Now I asked you who you are?"
"You won't get things as you write. You must have something in you to let it out of you".
"Yeah. I know. Now tell me who the hell are you? I've been asking you for three times."
Chuckles.
"You'll know me soon. Okay now tell me why you started this blog?"
This was a missile over me. Most of the time questions fall on you when you are not ready.
"Hmm... to write something.."
"something?"
"yea..I mean something about books, music, movies,..."
"Oh crap! everyone writes that".
"Also, about my memories".
"Boy! who needs your memories dumped on me? Do you think am I a memory repository?"
Yes! I got you.
"So you are my blog?" I asked immediately, with the joy of a discoverer.
"You took so long to identify me. Pity you".
To safeguard me I said,"When a lot of people write blogs, why not me?"
"A lot of people write the same thing. I don't need an extra load".
"So what do you want me to do now?"
"At last you are smart enough to ask this question. Try something new. Get your own ideas. Don't dump stale news on me again and again. I hate it".

Getting my own ideas? Where can I go for new ideas. I've never been tested for such things. I thought I can ask my interrogator for some ideas. Yes! I must ask him to trap him. But, where is he?
"Hello?"
"Mr.Blog, where are you? Do you hear me."
Nothing but silence.
There was a note. "Catch you later".

Okay. I need to get new ideas. Till then no more new posts. Then why a blogspot? What is this. I am getting sick. I lost my mood to write something today. May be later sometime. Wish I never get the intruder again!

Calvinizing life

2005-11-14T00:28:00.000-06:00

This Bill Watterson hero attracted me a lot in the recent past. Me being not too much into comics was unaware of this child protogonist who rocked the U.S. in the 80s. Two years back I happened to read a collection of Watterson's comic strips.

Calvin represents the amalagated version of all the naughty kids; he is the one who will be commonly spotted in any household around the globe. He didn't even spare me. Every strip made me to think I am there in calvin whenever he is sharing his monments with the stuffed doll, or changing forms in the transmorgifier, or escaping the real world with his alter ego Stupendous man, or getting rid of slimy gal Susie.

Wonder what a cartoonist like Watterson do when given such a hero? He used Calvin as a tool to tell his philospohies of life, and he saw this world through his hero. Would really anyone like to hear satrical and philosphical thoughts from a six year old boy? But indeed everyone liked. Infact, a few strips still remain a puzzle to me, as they convey different ideas each time I read.

This shy hero is a silent killer. His stuffed tiger, Hobbes with whom he spends his joy or sorrow, is indeed his own personality - but the other side of the evil Calvin. When I say silent killer, I remember people used to call me when I was a kid. I too had a Hobbes; not really the Hobbes you think but my own Hobbes.

Being allured heavily to this nipper I believe to have a lot of posts on this superhero.

Where do I begin?

2005-11-13T13:11:00.000-06:00

It all happened one day... Somethings don't have any reason, neither we can reason out the occurrence of some events. To be or not to be? To start or not? I was trapped in this quandary for quite a long time. Anything loses its charm if under question for long. So.... here am I.

Life is beautiful when it takes its own course. Let me stop here... to start something afresh...mostly in silence...at times freaky!